The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr! Bills be plunderin’ the Dolphins while Tua's noggin' rattles like a ship in a storm!

2024-09-12

Arrr matey! The Buffalo Bills plundered the Miami Dolphins, a grand score of 31 to 10, on a night when their captain, Tua Tagovailoa, took a knock to the noggin! Aye, a fine jolly time for the Bills, but a sad tale for the fishy crew!

Arrr, gather ‘round ye scallywags, fer I’ve a tale o' woe from the high seas o' football! On a murky Thursday night, the Miami Dolphins set sail against the fearsome Buffalo Bills, only to be met with stormy waters and a mighty thud! Our matey, Tua Tagovailoa, was knocked senseless by the ferocious Damar Hamlin, who once danced with death himself earlier in the year!

As the Dolphins found themselves marooned at a pitiful 31-10, Tua’s stats be lookin’ worse than a shipwrecked sailor – a mere 145 yards, one touchdown, and three interceptions, matey! With Tua tossed overboard, backup Skylar Thompson took the helm, but alas! He couldn’t steer the ship to glory, gettin’ sacked like a sack o’ potatoes on crucial fourth down!

But lo! Young De’Von Achane shone like a treasure chest on the horizon, scorin’ the only touchdown and rakin’ up yards like a fine booty. Meanwhile, the Bills celebrated, with Josh Allen findin’ new mates to raid the seas of victory. With this latest defeat, the Dolphins be sinkin’ deeper into the history books of shame, havin’ lost twelve of their last thirteen battles with the Bills! Arrr, what a night for this crew!

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