"Arrr, the scallywag Twins be walkin’ the plank fer spillin’ the beans on yer pitches, savvy?"
2024-09-13
Arrr, on Thursday last, the Minnesota Twins did cast away young Derek Bender, their 2024 treasure, for spillin’ the beans on his own crew's secret tosses! By Blackbeard’s beard, what a scallywag! Speak yer mind, lad, but don’t be givin’ the enemy a leg up on yer cannon fire!
Ahoy, mateys! Gather 'round as I spin ye a yarn of one Derek Bender, a fine catcher o' the Coastal Carolina seas, where he smote 32 thunderous home runs and batted a stout .326 over three seasons! Aye, the Minnesota Twins spied this sea dog and snatched him up in the sixth round of the grand MLB Draft, settin' sail with the Fort Myers Mighty Mussels in the Florida State League.But lo and behold, after a mere 19 games, his ship ran aground. Word be that our lad Bender, in a most foolish turn, divulged to the opposing crew the very pitches comin' at 'em! This treacherous act cost his team dearly against the Lakeland Flying Tigers, who scored four runs in the second inning, settlin' the score at a bitter 6-0.
With his dreams dashed, Bender, it seems, wished the season to end quicker than a ship can sink in a storm. He spent the last two games languishin' in the bullpen, not a single word from the Twins nor his agency to defend his honor. Alas, his batting average was an unimpressive .200, with just two homers to boot. Aye, a tale of woe fit for the ages, indeed!