The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

“Arrr, the Havana mystery be scuttled! They fumbled the treasure map of data, so the crew calls it quits!”

2024-09-13

Avast ye! A grand quest to fathom the strange malady known as Havana Syndrome be sunk like a ship with a hole! The National Institute of Health caught the scallywags playin’ footsie with the medical scrolls, and now the whole venture be as dead as a parrot! Arrr!

Ahoy, me hearties! Gather round fer a tale o' the bizarre happenings surrounding the cursed Havana Syndrome! A long-term study, ye see, was scuttled by the NIH after they found that the medical data were mishandled like a ship caught in a tempest. Participants be claimin' they felt pressured to join the research, and lo and behold, no evidence could be found linking their ailments to the same symptoms or injuries! Arrr, it seems the winds of discontent blew strong amongst the crew!

Last year, the intelligence folks released a report that said a foreign foe be "very unlikely" to be behind this strange malady that’s plagued many a U.S. officer. Despite bein’ eligible for treatment, the study met with complaints from participants about some shady dealings. A former CIA matey, who calls himself Adam, was none too surprised and claimed the study was as honest as a pirate with a wooden leg!

Adam, the first to suffer the effects, said it felt like his brain was bein’ squeezed by a Kraken! With 334 sailors qualified for treatment, the word on the street be that the CIA was mixin’ in folks who didn't belong, muddying the waters of the research. Now, these victims want the Journal of the American Medical Association to haul back their articles and set the record straight! What a ruckus, eh? Avast!

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