The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

"Arrr! The Texas captain be singin' high tales of young Arch, takin' the helm whilst Quinn be laid up, proud as a parrot!"

2024-09-15

Arrr, matey! On the fateful Saturday eve, young Arch Manning took the helm from Quinn Ewers, and lo! The lad beamin’ like a treasure chest, plunderin’ five touchdowns for Captain Sarkisian's crew! Aye, a jolly good show, that be!

Ahoy mateys! Gather 'round as I regale ye with the tale of the Texas Longhorns and their dashing young quarterback, Arch Manning! On a fateful night in Austin, a cruel twist of fate befell the mighty Quinn Ewers, who, whilst handin' off the pigskin, strained his abdomen and had to be carried off like a limp parrot. Aye, the Heisman hopeful went from star to street clothes faster than a ship's anchor drop!

With Ewers out of commission, the crew turned to young Manning, a spry lad and nephew of the legendary Manning brothers! He be not one to shy from the challenge, fer he led the Longhorns to a glorious 56-7 victory over the UTSA crew! By thunder, he tossed four touchdowns and galloped like a swift sea breeze for another, totaling five treasures of glory!

As Captain Sarkisian beamed with pride, the crowd roared as Manning displayed his skills, throwin' deep bombs and racing with the nimbleness of a cat o' nine tails! Though some might be wonderin’ if the young buck will claim the starting helm, Ewers, the seasoned sailor, be still the captain, provided he ain’t hindered by his injuries! So raise a glass to Arch Manning, the rising star, and may Ewers heal swift as the wind! Arrr!

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