Arrr! DeSantis be sayin', stretchin' the vote count be like sinkin' yer own ship—trust be goin' to Davy Jones!
2024-09-15
Arrr, matey! Governor DeSantis be hootin’ that stretchin’ the vote count past the witching hour o' election night might sink the trust o’ the crew! Fear not, for he vows the treasure o’ Florida’s votes be tallied by the crack o’ dawn on the 5th! Avast, let’s hoist the sails!
Arrr, mateys! Gather 'round and lend an ear to the squawking of the parrot! As we sail the tumultuous seas of American politics, the search fer the 47th captain of the ship, a.k.a. president, be as foggy as a pirate's rum-soaked brain after election night! Aye, 'tis said by a certain New York Times tale that the results might take longer than a three-hour tour on a leaky vessel to be revealed!Our gallant Florida swashbuckler, Governor Ron DeSantis, be spouting that draggin’ the count out be "outrageous," lest we find ourselves waking up to a surprise o' lost leads like a sailor finding his treasure map missing! He warns that such shenanigans be sinkin' the good ship Confidence, makin' folks wonder if any foul play be afoot!
With the winds favorin' mail-in ballots, the election night mayhem could turn into a grand ole mirage of red and blue! But fear not, for ol' DeSantis vows Florida will declare its winner faster than a cannonball flies! He be pledging, "Count 'em quick, or face the kraken!" The Republican crew be makin' sure that every landlubber shows ID to cast their vote, so no scallywags be sneakily pilferin' the process!