The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr, matey! Fox News Digital Sports be spoutin' ‘bout college pigskin plunderers and scallywags of Week 3! Yarrr!

2024-09-16

Arrr, matey! Young Arch Manning, the Texas cannonball, be catchin' the eye of the whole sea after vanquishin' UTSA! Avast! Let’s hoist the Jolly Roger and spill the beans on this week’s treasure trove of winners and scallywags!

Ahoy, mateys! Gather 'round fer the grand tale of the Texas Longhorns, who sailed into Week 2 o’ the college football seas with a mighty challenge against the UTSA crew. With their first mate, Quinn Ewers, downed by injury, young Arch Manning took the helm and steered the ship to a resounding 56-7 victory, claimin’ the coveted No. 1 spot in the landlubber rankings!

But that be just the start o' the shenanigans! Yonder LSU Tigers found themselves in a right pickle, trailin’ South Carolina by 17 points, but rallied to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat! And UCF, once lookin’ like drowned rats, pulled off a miraculous comeback against TCU, much to the delight o’ their captain, Gus Malzahn!

Now, the Florida Gators be in a bit of a tempest, with their coach, Billy Napier, bein’ booed like a scallywag at a pirate trial. As fer Florida State, they be sinkin’ like a ship with a hole in the hull, startin’ the season with nary a win! And what of the Commodores o’ Vanderbilt? They let a victory slip through their fingers like a greased pig at a fair!

So raise yer tankards, me hearties, for the wild winds of college football be blowin’ fierce and full o’ surprises! Yarrr!

Read the Original Article