The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

"Scallywag claims he’s ready to duel and meet Davy Jones in Ukraine—ye be a brave, foolish sea dog!"

2024-09-16

Arrr, matey! Ryan Wesley Routh, a scallywag o' 58 summers, found himself in the brig fer plotin' against the ol' captain, Trump! He be shoutin' on the seas of X, ready to sail to Ukraine and meet Davy Jones, fightin' like a true landlubber gone mad! Har har!

Ahoy me hearties! Gather ‘round as I spin ye a yarn ‘bout a scallywag named Ryan Wesley Routh, a landlubber of 58 years, who found himself in a right pickle with the F.B.I. for attemptin’ to put a dagger in the good ol’ former Captain of the U.S. ship, Donald J. Trump.

This hearty soul, with a heart as wild as a tempest, be expressin’ his desire to hoist the flag o’ war and sail to Ukraine to join the fray. He be shoutin’ from the digital crow’s nest, “I AM WILLING TO FLY TO KRAKOW AND GO TO THE BORDER OF UKRAINE TO VOLUNTEER AND FIGHT AND DIE!” Aye, the man had a flair for the dramatic, as if he be auditionin’ for a part in a tragic sea shanty.

His words were as fiery as a cannonball, settin’ sail on a sea of chaos after the Russians invaded. But alas, instead of findin’ glory upon the battlefield, he found himself in the brig! So remember, mateys, if ye be havin’ thoughts of swashbucklin’ against mighty foes, do tread carefully, lest ye end up walkin’ the plank of justice! Arrr!

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