Ahoy! Oregon swab be dreamin' o' love with UConn's lass, but now he's caught in a storm o' stalkin'!
2024-09-17
Arrr! Robert Cole Parmalee, a scallywag aged 40 from the shores of Oregon, found himself in the brig o' Connecticut, nabbed for hauntin’ and botherin' the fair lass Paige Bueckers, a star o' the hoop! Belay that mischief, ye salty sea dog!
Ahoy mateys! Gather 'round fer a tale of misadventure from the land of Oregon, where one Robert Cole Parmalee, a scallywag aged 40, found himself in hot water fer fixin’ to woo a fair lass by the name of Paige Bueckers, a mighty fine basketball player from the University of Connecticut. This lubber be dreamin’ of romance, sendin’ ramblin’ missives to her and likenin’ himself to Apollo whilst claimin’ she be the goddess Athena! Blimey!But alas, the law caught wind of his fanciful pursuits after a series of peculiar social media posts and emails. In a twist o' fate, this rogue was nabbed while attemptin’ to approach Paige, proclaimin’ he was “goin’ to see her” near Bradley International Airport. The police, seein’ his antics as more odd than menacin’, eventually slapped him with charges of stalking and harrassment.
With a criminal history as grand as a pirate ship's bounty, includin’ everything from mischief to the possession of the foulest substances, Parmalee now finds himself locked up tighter than a treasure chest, awaitin' his next court appearance. So, let this be a lesson, ye landlubbers: Dreams of love be fine, but if ye be stalkin’ a lass, ye best be ready fer the gallows! Arrr!