The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr! Jose Altuve tossed, his sock and shoe flyin'! He be shoutin', "Blimey, they be blind as a bat!"

2024-09-18

Arrr! In a ruckus on the field, the crafty Jose Altuve of the Houston crew was tossed like a barnacle after he doffed his sock 'n shoe in a fit o' protest against a call! Aye, the lad be makin' a right spectacle o' himself!

Ahoy, mateys! Gather 'round fer a tale of Jose Altuve, the doughty second baseman of the Houston Astros, who found himself in quite the pickle during a grand tussle with the San Diego Padres. In the ninth inning, after a grounder that seemed to kiss his foot, Altuve swore by the sea that the ball had struck him! But alas, the umpire, Brennan Miller, remained as stubborn as a barnacle on a ship’s hull.

With the heart of a lion, our brave Altuve decided to show proof of his plight—by removin' his sock right there upon the field! Aye, ‘tis a sight to behold, a pirate pullin’ off his footwear in front of the ump! But lo and behold, his daring act led to his immediate ejection, along with his manager, Joe Espada, who raged against the injustice like a tempest at sea.

With a foul ball snatched away, Altuve felt cheated, claimin' it was as clear as a ship on the horizon that the ball had changed course. Yet, Grae Kessinger, his trusty mate, took the field in his stead and scored the winning run, sailing the Astros to a glorious victory of 4-3! Aye, what a spectacle upon the diamond seas!

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