The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr! Ex-Patriots matey Patrick Pass be locked up fer givin’ an old sea dog a hearty shove at the gym!

2024-09-19

Arrr, matey! Former Patriots’ swab Patrick Pass found himself in Davy Jones’ brig fer givin' a proper thrashin' to an 82-year-old sea dog at the gym! Aye, assaultin’ a gent over sixty be not the way to plunder, savvy? Let this be a lesson: leave the old salts be!

Ahoy, me hearties! Gather ye round for a tale most peculiar from the shores of Rhode Island! Patrick Pass, a once-mighty fullback of the New England Patriots, found himself in a right kerfuffle at the fabled gym known as Planet Fitness. Aged 46, he did engage in a fierce squabble with an octogenarian, aged 82, over the most precious of treasures—exercise equipment!In a moment of sheer folly, our swashbucklin' player of yore did shove the elder gent to the ground, causing him to meet the floor with an almighty crash! Alas, the old salt be nursing a sore back now, and Pass, he be facing the wrath of the law for his misdeed, charged with assault against a senior, a felony in those parts, and disorderly conduct, a misdemeanor fit for a scallywag!The powers that be have set his bail at a hefty sum of $10,000, and he be barred from contacting his victim—aye, 'tis a tough sea to sail! With a court date set for January, Pass, known for his four Super Bowl rings, seems to be in a bit of a pickle, having recently faced suspension from coaching after a ruckus in his new league. Aye, what a tangled web he weaves!

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