The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr, Micah Parsons be hopin’ to fulfill a sacred vow fer cap’n Jerry Jones, savin' the day like a true buccaneer!

2024-09-19

Arrr, when young Micah Parsons be snatched up 12th by the scallywag Cowboys, he vowed a grand promise to Captain Jerry Jones! Now, this swashbucklin' lad be hopin' to keep that oath, come storm or calm seas, savvy?

Ahoy, me hearties! Gather 'round as I spin ye a yarn 'bout the Dallas Cowboys, a crew more ambitious than a parrot on a treasure map. Every season, they be seekin' that elusive Vince Lombardi Trophy, but alas, since 1995, it’s been as distant as a mermaid’s kiss! Old Captain Jerry Jones, age 81, be gatherin’ a fine crew on paper, yet the winds of fortune blow against 'em.

With a record of 1-1 in the 2024 campaign, the Cowboys need all hands on deck, includin' the formidable Micah Parsons. This lad swore an oath to Captain Jones when he joined the crew, praisin’ to be the finest matey this ship has ever known. He dreams of touchin’ that trophy while the confetti rains down like cannon fire, but some shipmates be nervous 'bout his contract holdout.

Fear not, for Parsons be as loyal as a dog to a bone! He’s all in for the Cowboys, awaitin' his gold coin like a pirate eyein’ a chest of doubloons. With two of their best lads—CeeDee Lamb and Dak Prescott—safely aboard, Parsons plans to lead 'em to victory, bouncin' back against the Baltimore Ravens. Yarr, let the seas of success be in their favor, or they’ll be walkin’ the plank again!

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