The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Nixon be the scallywag who declared war on the herbs, yet whispered, “That green be no fearsome beast!” Arrr!

2024-09-19

Arrr, two years aft that scallywag Nixon declared war on the devil's brew, he be spillin’ the beans to his crew in the Oval Office! In March '73, he be admitin’ that Mary Jane ain't no fearsome fiend. Aye, the captain of the ship be shiverin’ in his boots!

Avast ye landlubbers! Gather 'round and lend me yer ear, for I be tellin' ye a tale from the days of yore, when the grand Captain Nixon set sail on a treacherous voyage against the scourge of the drug trade! Aye, in the year of our Lord 1971, he proclaimed with a voice louder than a cannon blast that substance use be the nation’s “public enemy No. 1!”

But lo and behold! Just two years later, whilst sittin' in his fancy Oval Office, that same captain had a change of heart. In a secret gathering with his trusted crew o' aides and advisers, he let slip a revelation that shook the very timbers of his ship! He confessed that he knew in his heart of hearts that marijuana wasn’t as dangerous as a kraken in the night! 'Twas a curious contradiction, indeed!

While he was hootin’ and hollerin’ about an “all-out offensive” against the scourge, his own conscience was raisin' a Jolly Roger, whisperin’ doubts in his ear. Aye, the captain sailed a fine line between public bravado and private misgivings, leavin' the crew wonderin' if this war on drugs was naught but a storm in a teacup! So, me hearties, raise yer tankards to the irony of it all! Arrr!

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