The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr! Biden-Harris matey says he be ordered to stash away the landlubbers, like treasure in Davy Jones' locker!

2024-09-19

Avast, me hearties! The landlubber who once guarded a thousand leagues o’ frontier be claimin’ the Biden-Harris crew be hidin’ the truth ‘bout the ruckus o’ migrants! Ex-Captain Heitke be spillin’ the beans to the scallywags in Congress, sayin’ the White House be tryin’ to hush up the whole squall! Arrr!

Arrr, me hearties! Gather ‘round as I spin ye a yarn from the treacherous seas o’ politics! It be said that the former captain o’ the Border Patrol ship, one Aaron Heitke, has hoisted the Jolly Roger against the Biden-Harris crew, claimin’ they’ve been hidin’ the truth like a scallywag hides his doubloons! Aye, he be an ex-San Diego Sector Chief, and he be yellin’ from the crow’s nest that the White House be tryin’ to hush the ruckus at the border, coverin’ up the swellin’ tide of migrants like a fine barrel o’ rum!

On a fine Wednesday, he regaled the House Homeland Security crew with tales of how the White House be steerin’ the ship away from the stormy waters of bad press. Heitke claims they be concealin’ the landin’s of ne’er-do-wells, like pirates with ill intentions slippin’ past the watchful eye of the sea! 'Tis a right mess, it be, with 1,000 miles of frontier to guard, and yet the powers that be be treatin’ it like a secret treasure hunt! So beware, me mateys, for the seas o’ immigration be treacherous, and it seems our captains be shiverin' in their boots, hidin’ the truth from the crew! Yarrr!

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