"Arrr, matey! Secret Service be spillin' the beans on their blunders tryin’ to sink the Trump ship on July 13!"
2024-09-20
Arrr! Hear ye, me hearties! Acting Cap’n Ronald Rowe of the Secret Service be spillin’ the beans on their grand treasure hunt for clues after a pair o’ scallywags tried to send the former President to Davy Jones’ locker! Avast, keep yer cutlasses sharp!
Ahoy, me hearties! Gather 'round and lend an ear to the tale of the Secret Service scallywags and their recent misadventures! On the fateful day of July 13, in the bustling town of Butler, a dastardly attempt was made on the life of the former captain of the ship known as America, Donald Trump! The brave acting Director, Ronald Rowe, summoned his crew for a 1 p.m. parley to address their blunder in protecting the good captain.Alas, after the ruckus, the fair Kimberly Cheatle, once the leader of the Secret Service, threw in her cards and resigned, leaving a handful of her mates on the plank! With the House and FBI sniffin' about, it seems the agents had a clear view of the former captain from a rooftop, which they left unguarded. Rowe called this a “failure” of grand proportions, and it be clear they must learn from their follies lest they find themselves in Davy Jones’ locker!
Just when ye thought it couldn’t get worse, a second attempt was thwarted by a sharp-eyed agent who spotted a rifle barrel lurking about! Thanks to his quick thinking, the ne’er-do-well fled. So, let this be a lesson to all ye sea dogs: keep yer eyes sharp and yer cannons loaded, for the seas be treacherous, and the stakes be high! Arrr!