The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr! Lizzo be takin' a cutlass to them 'Ozempic tales' after her grand transformation, savvy? Har har har!

2024-09-21

Arrr! Lizzo be swabbin' the deck of wild tales 'bout her mighty body change, claimin' it ain't no Ozempic trickery! Nay, it be the work of five moons of liftin' heavy treasure and countin' naught but the finest grub! Avast, let the truth sail!

Arrr mateys! Gather 'round fer a tale of the mighty Lizzo, a lass who be defendin' her treasure chest of a body from scurrilous rumors o' weight loss temptations! Aye, the 36-year-old siren took to the scrolls o' Instagram to cast away whispers that her fine figure was due to the magical potion known as Ozempic, a treatment fer the scourge of Type 2 diabetes. Nay, she declared, it be the fruits o' her hard work in fitness and a careful diet that be doin' the trick!

"After five moons o' weight trainin' and cuttin' back on grub, ye accuse me of conjurin' Ozempic?" she quipped, while sportin' a flashy red kimono, lookin' as fierce as a kraken. With the humor of a true buccaneer, she mocked the bewildered crew who dared to suggest otherwise, askin' one scallywag, "Whyyy do ye follow me?" as she showcased her triumph with a before-and-after tale.

In the end, Lizzo, the treasure-seeker of self-love, sailed through the stormy seas of body image with grace, declarin' that her body be her own business! Aye, while she may have faced the cannon fire of criticism, she stood strong, takin' care of her health and sharin' the journey with her loyal crew. So hoist the sails and celebrate this queen of the high seas, who knows that true beauty comes from within—or at least from a good diet and some hearty exercise!

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