Arrr, Johnson be dodgin’ those GOP scallywags, seekin’ Dem mates to keep the ship afloat and avoid Davy Jones!
2024-09-24
Arrr, Captain Mike Johnson be ready to parley with the Democrats to hoist his funding sails, after a rowdy crew of conservatives sent his first plan to Davy Jones’ locker! Avast, mateys, politics be a treacherous sea!
Ahoy, me hearties! The House GOP be sailin’ into treacherous waters, tryin’ to dodge a government shutdown quicker than a scallywag can draw his sword! The crew, led by Captain Tom Cole of the appropriations seas, be lamentin’ that many of the buccaneers think that lettin’ the government sink be a fine idea. “Nay,” he shouts, “it be not good for the American folk!”Normally, they’d chart a course through the House Rules Committee and have a big ol’ vote, but alas, the ship be takin’ on water! With more dissent in the ranks than a tavern brawl, it seems they be lackin’ the cannon fodder for a proper battle on the floor.
So, what’s a captain to do? Speaker Mike Johnson is considerin’ to throw the bill overboard under suspension of the rules, which means they’ll be needin’ two-thirds of the crew to hoist the sails instead of the usual majority. This here bill be merely a short-term fix, keepin’ the government afloat till Dec. 20, while many a pirate be grumblin’ about the bloated government they’re forced to fund.
The seas be stormy, and with the wind of Election Day blowin’ fierce, Johnson knows he’ll need the aid of those liberal scallywags to keep the ship steady. “It pains me to rely on them,” one crew member grumbled, yet all know the perilous cost of a shutdown just before the election! So hoist the flags, and let’s see where this wild ride takes us! Arrr!