The Booty Report

Arrr! The Secret Service be makin’ blunders fit for a landlubber ‘fore the Trump caper and other jolly tales!

2024-09-25

Arrr, matey! Snag yer tales o' the day from the mightiest winds o' the news sea, sent straight to yer inbox 'fore the sun's even peekin'! Avast, don’t be a landlubber, join the crew and keep yer wits sharp!

Ahoy mateys! Gather ye round for a tale of tumult and treachery upon the seas o' modern politics! It be a ruckus, I tell ye! First, a bumbling Secret Service sailor fumbled a call, nearly lettin’ the scurvy dogs sail away with a plot against Trump’s life—what a blunder! Meanwhile, Google’s search be favoring one matey over another, blowin' the whistle on their bias like a ship’s horn in a storm!

In the midst of this chaos, Kamala Harris be settin’ sail to the border, but her past actions be raisin’ eyebrows like a pirate spyglass! The judge from the Casey Anthony saga be spillin’ the beans on the courtroom capers America never saw—what a tale! And lo, a holy gem was found, claimed to be the finest evidence of Christianity since the Dead Sea Scrolls—talk about treasure!

As threats loom o’er Trump's head from the Iranian seas, and a bipartisan crew flounders at the UN, it seems the lot of ‘em be in a fine pickle! And dear old Nancy Pelosi be snapping at the media like a hungry shark when reminded of Trump’s words! So, avast ye landlubbers, as the waves of politics crash, remember—this be a wild voyage we’re on!

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