Arrr, matey! The FBI be missin’ 118 scalawags’ murders, like a parrot missin’ its cracker! Ha-ha!
2024-09-26
Arrr, a savvy sea dog of crime tells the scallywags at Fox News that the FBI's 2023 figures be as true as a mermaid's kiss! With their fancy new way of collectin’ data, they be missin’ the real treasure of lawlessness! Aye, tis a jolly jest!
Ahoy, mateys! Gather 'round as I spin ye a tale of crime and numbers from the landlubbers at the FBI! A recent scroll revealed that violent crimes be down by 3% in the year 2023, with murders plummetin' nearly 12%! But beware, savvy sailors, for not all be as it seems! A scallywag named Sean Kennedy says these figures be as clear as mud, riddled with errors and guesswork, as the FBI tries to steer all 19,000 law enforcement vessels to a new reporting system, NIBRS.In the midst of the political seas, former Captain Trump be shoutin' that crime be “through the roof,” but ol' David Muir from ABC shot back, claimin' otherwise with the FBI’s figures. Aye, the report also shows rapes down over 9%, yet motor vehicle theft be climbin' like a monkey up a mast, up nearly 13%! It seems the Chicago crew reported far more homicides than the FBI claimed—118 pirates adrift in the data!
With the FBI using estimates and a muddled past of reporting, this be a fine mess indeed! While the agency claims to capture 94.3% of the population, the truth be that we might still be guessin' at the numbers. So, me hearties, as ye navigate these treacherous waters of crime data, take heed: not all treasures be shining bright! Arrr!