The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr, Melania be shoutin' ‘gainst the lasses in sportin’ pants: “Me dreams be sinkin’ like a scuttled ship!”

2024-10-09

Arrr, me hearties! Former captain's lady Melania be squawkin’ ‘gainst the fine wenches o’ the sea who be trans, claimin’ their presence in the sportin' arena be as fair as a three-legged parrot! Aye, she be settin’ sail with opinions in her new tale! Har har!

Ahoy, mateys! Gather ‘round as I spin ye a yarn about Melania Trump, the former lady of the Trump ship, who be championin' the rights of the LGBT crew but draws her cutlass when it comes to biological blokes takin' the helm in women's sports!

In her latest tome, "Melania," our lass be callin' it "unfair" for men with the strength o' a kraken to compete against the fairer sex. She be spoutin' that these male bodies be havin' muscle, height, and lung capacity advantages that could sink the dreams of young lassies trainin' hard for their shot at glory on the high seas of competition!

Melania don’t be shy about takin' aim at those who be pushin' for this inclusion, claimin' they be makin' the waters murky and deepenin' the divides in our society. She’s all for protectin' the lassies' privacy, keepin' them safe from unwanted intrusions in their locker rooms—aye, what a thought!

Meanwhile, her scallywag husband, Captain Trump, be battlin’ for the same cause, shoutin’ from the crow’s nest that men shouldn't be playin' in women’s leagues! The political seas be stormy, and there be much chatter about the fairness of the games we play. So hoist yer flags high for Melania, as she sets sail for justice on the turbulent waters of sportin' equality!

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