The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr, matey! Ashton Jeanty be claimin' his faith be the treasure that turned him into a true landlubber!

2024-10-10

Arrr, matey! Ashton Jeanty, the swift-legged swab of Boise State, be claimin’ the Heisman treasure! He be sayin’ it be the Good Lord who be boostin’ his sails, givin’ him the strength to plunder the field like a true buccaneer! Aye, God be his secret weapon!

Ahoy, mateys! Gather 'round as I spin ye a yarn 'bout a lad named Ashton Jeanty, a running back from the fabled shores of Boise State! Once just a scallywag, this young buck be now a Heisman Trophy favorite, aye! In a recent parley with the Fellowship of Christian Athletes, he regaled the tales of his grand transformation, creditin' the Good Lord for his newfound prowess on the gridiron.

“I be a Christian cleverly disguised as an All-American,” Ashton quoth, proudly. He spoke of his trials, how he battled a fierce tempest of depression during his freshman year, lost at sea without his faith. But lo! He opened his heart to the Almighty, and that be when the winds of change blew fair! What a transformation, indeed!

With the blessings of the Lord, he dashed for over a thousand yards this season, leadin' the nation in all manner of rushin' statistics, makin’ him the talk of the high seas! This fine fellow now stands tall as a man of God, not just a boy, he claims. So, ye landlubbers, remember: ye don’t need to be perfect, just trust in the Almighty and let Him steer yer ship. Yarrr, what a tale!

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