The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr! The Taliban's a-comin', banishing livin' portraits from Afghan scrolls—no more jolly faces, just blank canvases, matey!

2024-10-16

Arrr, matey! The Taliban be keepin’ a tight grip on the pictures o’ folks an’ beasties, say the scallywags in charge. Aye, this here rule be applyin’ to some provinces fer now, but who knows when the tide’ll turn? Avast, what a jolly sight that be missin’!

Arrr, me hearties! The Taliban, those scallywags of the Afghan seas, be makin' a ruckus with a new decree, sayin' no media be showin' images of livin' beings! Aye, ye heard me right; no faces, no voices, just a whole lot of silence ‘n nature videos, like watchin’ the waves crash on the shore without a soul in sight!

This jolly order comes from the Vice and Virtue Ministry, led by the mighty Hibatullah Akhundzada, who be wieldin’ power like a captain brandishin’ a cutlass. The officials be confirm’n this madness, and it seems they ain't stoppin’ at just the state media; they be casting their net wide to include all media in provinces like Maidan Wardak and Kandahar. Talk about an empty ship deck!

But it don’t stop there! They’ve banned women’s voices as well, callin’ ‘em too “intimate,” like a secret treasure map only meant for the captain’s eyes! Aye, women be required to wear veils and keep their lips sealed, lest they disturb the peace. So now, in the land of the brave, it be all about nature and silence! Who knew the Taliban could be so fond of quiet seas? Yarrr!

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