The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

"Arrr! Yank nabbed in a Philippine cove; mateys in blue be on the hunt for the scallywags!"

2024-10-21

Avast ye! The lawmen o’ the Philippines be huntin’ fer the scallywag Elliot Onil Eastman, a landlubber from Vermont! Word’s blowin’ in that a band o’ gun-totin’ ruffians has swiped 'im! Arrr, me hearties, it be a right pickle!

Arrr mateys, gather 'round fer a tale of misfortune on the high seas! In the fair land of the Philippines, a scallywag named Elliot Onil Eastman, hailing from Vermont, fell prey to a band o' rogues. Under the cover o' night, these gun-totin' knaves, clad in black and sportin' M16s, tricked the poor lad by claimin' to be lawmen. They shot him in the leg, takin' him aboard a speedboat quicker than ye can say “shiver me timbers!”

The incident occurred in the coastal haven of Sibuco, where the local constables be searchin' high and low to rescue the lad. Reports say the ruffians made off toward Basilan or Sulu, leavin' the police baffled and chasin' their tails. The FBI be in on the hunt too, coordinatin' with the State Department like a well-trained crew on a mighty ship.

This ain’t no ordinary tale, for the southern Philippines be known fer its troubles, with the infamous Abu Sayyaf group lurkin’ about, known fer their dastardly deeds of ransom and mayhem. But alas, it be unclear if these scoundrels be affiliated with them or just lookin' fer a quick payday. So, raise a glass and send up a prayer, fer Elliot's safe return from the clutches of these landlubbers!

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