The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

"Arrr! Blinded Mario be speedrunning, met a watery grave seven times, shoutin', 'This be the sorriest voyage ever!' Har har!"

2024-10-25

Arrr, me hearties! I ain't spoutin' this to join the jolly speedrun jape. Nay, this here voyage be as wretched as a barnacle-ridden ship! Blimey, it be sinkin' faster than a leaden cannonball!

Ahoy there, matey! Gather 'round and lend me a yer ear, for I be about to spin ye a yarn 'bout a wretched speedrun that be makin' me seasick! Now, I ain't here to stoke the flames of jest or mimic the ol' speedrun jibe, but I swear on me parrot's plumed head, this run be a right disaster!

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