The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr! UK scallywag, suspected of shivvin' three lasses, caught with nasty potions and pirate scrolls! Blimey, 'tis a terror tale!

2024-10-29

Arrr, matey! A scallywag lad from Britain be blamed for a treacherous knife fight that sent three lasses to Davy Jones' locker! The coppers says they found him with a belly full o' poison and some dusty al Qaeda scrolls. Blimey, what a ruckus on the high seas!

Arrr, gather ‘round me hearties, fer I’ve got a tale of misfortune and folly straight from the jolly old UK! A scallywag of but 18 summers, Axel Muganwa Rudakubana, be accused of sending three wee lassies to Davy Jones’ locker at a Taylor Swift frolic! Aye, it be a dance class for the young ‘uns, where the only thing to fear should be a misplaced pirouette, not a blade or foul poison!

This landlubber, already in hot water for three counts of murder and more, now finds himself holdin’ an al Qaeda training manual and some nasty ricin poison. Argh! What madness be this? They found the wicked brew and a PDF o’ terror in his quarters, as if he be plottin’ a mutiny against the good folk of the realm.

Now, the wise doc says the public ain’t in danger, but the stabbings caused quite the ruckus, sparkin’ protests and hullabaloo across the land. Yet, the constables be havin’ trouble callin’ it a terror act since no motive be clear as the ocean on a calm day. So, while we be scratchin’ our heads, let’s hope this wayward soul finds a better course, or he’ll be walkin’ the plank ere long! Yarrr!

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