Arrr, a scallywag from Arizona be charged for lettin' loose cannon fire at the DNC treasure chest near Phoenix!
2024-10-30
Arrr, on the thirtieth day of October, a scallywag from Arizona went and fired his cannon at the DNC's lair thrice! Jeffrey, the rascally 60-year-old, be now face to face with the gallows o' terrorism! No blood spilled, but beware, mateys, the political seas be stormy!
Avast ye scallywags! Gather 'round as I spin ye a yarn from the wilds of Arizona, where a landlubber named Jeffrey Michael Kelly, aged 60 sails the stormy seas of legal woes. This scallywag was caught firin' his cannon—nay, not at the high seas, but at the Democratic National Committee's humble abode in Tempe! Aye, he took three shots at 'em, like a drunken sailor tryin' to hit the broadside of a barn!Now, it ain’t that he had a hankerin' for political discourse, but rather, he be now swabbin' the decks of the courtroom, indicted on a charge of terrorism! Arrr, it be a grave offense, though no harm came to the good folk inside—just a few holes in the wall, like a pirate's map with too many X's! The good prosecutors be readyin' to make an example of this landlubber, showin' that shootin’ at politicos be a fool’s errand, indeed!
As the winds of November blow, and the seas of politics get stormy, let this tale serve as a warnin’ to ye all: best keep yer powder dry and yer cannons aimed at the high seas, lest ye find yerself in Davy Jones’ locker instead of the grand tavern, celebratin' victory!