The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr! Joel Embiid be tellin' scallywags to walk the plank fer jabberin' 'bout his fancy load management, ye landlubbers!

2024-11-01

Arrr, after a scurvy scrawl be makin' sport o’ Joel Embiid fer sittin' out, the mighty 76ers star fired back like a cannonball at the landlubbers jabberin’ 'bout his “load management.” Blimey, ye best be watchin’ yer tongues, or ye'll find yerselves walkin’ the plank!

Ahoy there, mateys! Gather 'round as I spin ye a yarn about the infamous Philadelphia 76ers and their prized jewel, Joel Embiid! Aye, this scallywag be sitting out the season’s early matches, and the crew be grumbling like a ship full of unhappy barnacles!

Ye see, Embiid has just signed a treasure map of a contract worth a whopping $193 million, and yet, he’s been as absent as a ghost ship on a foggy night! The crew be callin’ it “load management,” but some landlubbers be hollerin’ for refunds, claimin’ the lad’s played but 46% of the games since joinin’ the crew in 2014! One scribe even dubbed him “Mr. 46 Percent,” a moniker sharper than a cutlass!

When asked about this mutiny of words, Embiid fired back with the ferocity of a cannonball, claimin’ he’s fought through injuries fiercer than a kraken! He said, “I’ve done way too much for this f---ing city!” Aye, ’tis true, for the lad has endured many a battle!

As the league cracked down on the crew for their loose lips about Embiid’s knee troubles, we be left wonderin’—will he return to the ship soon, or shall we continue to sail the seas of disappointment? Only time will tell, mateys! Yarr!

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