The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr, once a mighty baseball swashbuckler, now claimin' Trump's return be the start of a new age, savvy?

2024-11-06

Arrr, matey! Former MLB star, Cap'n Jonathan Lucroy, be spoutin’ that President-elect Trump’s win be the “break o’ a new epoch” fer the good ol’ U.S. o’ A! Aye, the tides be shiftin’, and we’re all in fer a jolly good ride, savvy?

Ahoy, me hearties! Gather 'round as I spin ye a yarn 'bout the famed Jonathan Lucroy, a noble swab of the diamond and two-time All-Star, who be weighin' in on the ruckus of the presidential race! In a grand proclamation, he be declarin’ the return of Captain Trump to the helm, callin' it the “dawn of a new era!” Arrr!

With a flourish of his quill, Lucroy praised the land o' the free where every four moons ye can cast yer lot, sailin' away from the “radical, anti-American” winds of the left! He even tossed a jab at the inclusion of trans athletes in women’s sports, callin' it “weird,” as if he be spottin' a kraken in the waters!

“The silent majority has roared!” he bellowed, celebratin' the triumph over what he deemed a plague upon the nation. He encouraged landlubbers who voted for the other crew to take a long look in the mirror and ponder their choices, lest they be caught in the storm o' emotion!

With Trump sailin' to victory and claimin' 277 electoral treasures, Lucroy cheers for a bright future alongside other scallywags like Elon and RFK, all ready to clean the swabs from the governmental deck! So hoist the sails and raise a tankard to the grand adventure ahead! Arrr!

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