The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr! Stephen A be callin' out Oprah and Michelle fer makin' the landlubbers feel like scallywags!

2024-11-07

Arrr, me hearty! Stephen A. Smith be no matey o' the "guilt" sails that Oprah and Michelle be hoistin' to sway the crew to cast their ballots for Vice President Kamala Harris. He’d rather swab the deck than be caught in that scallywag nonsense!

Arrr, gather 'round me hearty crew! The tale be told o' how Vice President Kamala Harris sailed the rough seas of electioneering, yet found herself with naught but a handful o’ votes in the hold! Alas, the winds favored the swashbucklin’ President-elect Donald Trump, who raised the Jolly Roger as the 47th captain of the good ship USA, makin' history like ol’ Grover Cleveland, that scallywag.

But hark! ESPN’s own Stephen A. Smith, a true buccaneer o’ words, set his sights on the celebrities supportin' Harris, callin' ‘em out for bein’ as distant as a ship lost in a storm. "Those wealthy landlubbers can’t be guiltin’ honest folk into changin' their course!" he roared, pointin' to the likes of Oprah, who warned of dark days should Trump triumph.

Smith, with the flair of a fine captain, questioned the idea that if ye don’t vote the way they want, ye be a traitor to yer own crew! "Who'd sail with a captain like that?" he bellowed. Despite predictin' Harris would claim victory, she fell short, leavin' Trump to finally win the popular vote after three attempts. So let this be a lesson, mates: in the treacherous waters of politics, ye best sail true or face the wrath of the crew!

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