The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr, Shaq's pointin' a finger at Curry, callin' the NBA duller than a barnacle-covered ship in this new age!

2024-11-08

Arrr, mateys! Shaquille O'Neal be shoutin' from the crow's nest that them 3-point shots be runnin' amok like scallywags! He claims the game be duller than a landlubber’s tale, scarin' off viewers like a ghost ship in the fog! Aye, what be happenin’ to the good ol’ days?

Ahoy mateys! Gather 'round as we spin a yarn 'bout the infamous Stephen Curry, the scallywag who swabbed the decks of basketball with his magic 3-point cannon! 'Tis true, this lad changed the game forever, but lo and behold, the mighty Shaquille O'Neal be prophesying doom upon these waters, claimin’ it be for the worse!

As the 2024-25 season be settin' sail, viewership be takin' a nosedive, and ol' Shaq be sayin’ it’s ‘cause all teams be shootin’ like they be on the same crew! “Aye, it’s all the same plays,” he bellowed from his podcast ship.

That rascal Curry and his crew done muddied the waters. Shaq be sayin’, “I don’t mind the Golden State lads shootin’ threes, but not every scallywag can be like Curry! Where's the variety?” He be likin’ the game as it were crafted by Naismith, not this newfangled style o' play that be makin’ it duller than a rusty cutlass!

The viewin' numbers be droppin', and so be the doubloons, as all wannabe Currys try their luck at sinkin’ threes. With legends like Ray Allen bein’ left in the dust, Curry might just be the first to hit 4,000 threes, but Shaq warns: “Me hearties, wake up! If viewership sinks, so do the riches!”

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