The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr! BYU cheerleader captain took a knock from a rogue water bottle, and a Utah scallywag's now in chains!

2024-11-13

Arrr! In the wilds of Utah, a lad o' 18 be caught in a pickle, accused o' clobberin' the fair cheer captain, Jocelyn Allan, with a wretched water bottle after a grand victory o’er Utah! Aye, the seas be rough for this scallywag!

Arrr matey! Gather 'round fer a tale of woe from the BYU shores! It be a dark day when the cheerleading captain, Jocelyn Allan, took a knock to the noggin from a rogue water bottle, hurled by a scallywag in the stands after BYU triumphed over Utah in a nail-biter of a match. The coach, a hearty lass since 2010, posted her misfortune on the Instagram seas, claimin' it was a Utah fan who launched the missile.

"Aye, I lost consciousness, but me brave cheerleader crew lowered me to the deck," she wrote, callin' out for witnesses to report any landlubbers who might’ve seen the dastardly deed. The lawmen be on the case, and they nabbed a young rascal named William Gardner, just 18, who’s been charged with assaultin' the cheer captain with his watery artillery.

As if the game weren’t tempestuous enough, Utah's athletic commander, Mark Harlan, be grumblin' about the officiatin', claimin' the match was "stolen" from his crew, and he got himself fined for his outbursts. All this hullabaloo over a game—one can’t help but chuckle at the high seas of sport! So, beware, ye fans, lest ye find yerselves walkin' the plank for throwin' bottles and makin' a ruckus at the game! Avast!

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