The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Ahoy mateys! Gable Steveson, the gold-plunderin’ grappler, be back from his brief landlubber retirement to Minnesota! Avast!

2024-11-13

Ahoy, mateys! Gable Steveson, the scallywag who snatched the Hodge Trophy twice—aye, a rare treasure!—ain't yet ready to hang up his grapplin' boots. He be itchin' to keep tossin' foes like a ship’s anchor in a tempest! Avast, the adventure be not over!

Ahoy, mateys! Gather 'round, for Gable Steveson, the gold-plunderin' wrestler from yon Olympics, be declarin' his triumphant return to the mat! This scallywag be takin' off his retirement hat and puttin' on his grapplin' boots at the fine University of Minnesota!

With a hearty treasure of eligibility bestowed by the cursed COVID-19, this lad be plannin' to sail through his fifth and final season of collegiate wrestling. He already be a two-time national champion, so ye best believe he’s lookin’ to keep his glorious 52-match win streak sailin’ high!

“Minnesota has given me everything, and now it’s my turn to give it right back!” he bellowed, ready to be the champ once more. Mark yer calendars for Nov. 24, when this fierce competitor be makin’ his season debut! Coach Eggum be grinnin' like a cat with a canary, sayin’ Gable’s desire to don the Maroon and Gold one last time be burnin’ bright!

Though he took a detour into the land o’ football with the Buffalo Bills, alas, that voyage ended in rocky waters! But fret not, for our boy be trainin’ hard, and who knows? The Paris Olympics may still be on the horizon! Yarrr, let the sea of wrestling witness his glorious return!

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