The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

"Arrr! The mighty Fernando Valenzuela be meetin' Davy Jones, and the tale o' his demise be spillin' forth!"

2024-11-14

Arrr, matey! Aye, it be known on this fine Tuesday that the legendary Fernando Valenzuela of the Dodgers met his salty end! The parchment be claimin' he succumbed to a pesky septic shock, as if a scallywag’s curse befell him! What a jolly way to sail to Davy Jones!

Arrr, gather 'round me hearties, for I bring ye a tale of the mighty Fernando Valenzuela, a swashbucklin' pitcher of the diamond seas who has departed this mortal coil! Aye, the news be grim, as it be revealed that our dear Fernando succumbed to septic shock, a fate not unlike bein' sunk by a cannonball from a rival ship.

This valiant soul, who once hoisted the World Series trophy and struck terror into the hearts of the New York Yankees, breathed his last breath at the age of 63, mere weeks before the Dodgers set sail for another championship glory. Aye, 'twas a cruel twist of fate, as he had just hung up his broadcasting boots, preparin' to return to the crew for one last voyage through the postseason.

The official parchment from the kingdom's medical scribes noted that other ailments, like decompensated alcoholic cirrhosis and the mysterious Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease, had also taken their toll on our fearless captain. Yet let us not forget the glory he brought us—two World Series titles and accolades aplenty in his 17-year quest upon the baseball seas. So, hoist a tankard in his honor, and may he find smooth waters in the great beyond!

Read the Original Article