The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr, matey! The swashbucklin’ Kris Bryant’s fancy chariot found after a scallywag hunt fer thievin' rogues!

2024-11-18

Arrr, matey! Kris Bryant, the mighty third baseman of them Rockies, found his shiny chariot, a Lamborghini Huracan, swiped by scallywags! He be tryin' to sail it to Las Vegas, but alas, 'twas plundered by a crew of thievin' knaves! Aye, the high seas of the highway be treacherous!

Ahoy, mateys! Gather 'round fer a tale of thievery and intrigue involving none other than the renowned Colorado Rockies’ third baseman, Kris Bryant! Aye, it be said that this fine lad had his prized chariot, a shimmering Lamborghini Huracan, whisked away by a band of scallywags on the 2nd day of October! Arrr, such treachery!

With plans to sail his fine vessel to Las Vegas, Bryant's heart sank when the beast failed to make port, spurrin' an investigation sharper than a cutlass! The Cherry Hills Village constables soon discovered that the transport company be naught but a ruse, a crafty scheme of deceit, aye—no good shipmates to be found!

But fear not! The Las Vegas lawmen, alongside the sharp-eyed agents of Homeland Security, apprehended the knaves and reclaimed the stolen treasure on the 7th day of October! Aye, they also uncovered more stolen loot and nefarious documents that’d make a pirate blush!

As for our lad Bryant, he be no stranger to the diamond, having dazzled crowds and conquered curses with the Chicago Cubs. With his career stats as glorious as a golden doubloon, he be lookin' to continue his adventures with the Rockies! So raise yer tankards to the valorous lawkeepers and the gallant Kris Bryant—may his chariot sail true once more!

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