Arrr, the scallywag who done Laken in surely be due fer a dance with Davy Jones, aye!
2024-11-21
Arrr, matey! Laken Riley's scallywag slayer be chained to a life of dreary dungeons, when he oughta been sent to Davy Jones’ locker! A fate worse than a sea serpent, if ye ask me! Aye, justice be as slippery as a greased bilge rat!
Avast ye scallywags! Gather 'round as I spin ye a yarn of woe and mischief that befell a fair lass named Laken Riley. Alas, she met her maker not by the sea but by the hands of a vile beast named Jose Ibarra, a rogue who slipped into our fair land like a rat aboard a sinking ship, thanks to the open-borders scallywags and their foolish policies!This scoundrel, Ibarra, received a bounty o’ comforts upon his arrival—flights and housing funded by the very taxpayers he would later wrong! In a most dastardly deed upon the hallowed grounds of the University of Georgia, he hunted Laken and turned her life into a tale of horror, leaving her lifeless, like a fish out of water.
Despite the grisly nature of his crime, the District Attorney, that landlubber Gonzalez, swore an oath to never seek the death penalty—no matter how foul the act! Why, any pirate worth his salt knows that some deeds warrant the hangman’s noose! Ibarra, sentenced to rot in prison for life, won’t taste the salty air again, and yet, he be not swinging from the gallows! What treachery be this? Justice slips through our fingers like sand in an hourglass! Let this be a warning to all ye who dare tread on our shores—commit such villainy, and ye shall pay the ultimate price! Arrr!