Arrr, Matt Gaetz be sailin' away from Congress, claimin' he won’t be swabbin' the deck this time!
2024-11-22
Arrr, last week, matey Matt Gaetz did hang up his tricorn hat from the 118th Congress crew! But, blow me down, if it be clear whether he’ll sail with the 119th crew come January! A true mystery of the high seas, that be!
Ahoy, mateys! It be the case of one Matt Gaetz, a former swabbin’ of the Florida seas in Congress, who be makin’ waves on a podcast last Friday. He declared he won’t be rejoinin’ the ruckus in Congress next year, settlin’ all the scuttlebutt that bubbled up when he pulled his name from the grand hunt for the attorney general’s title.This scallywag had already jumped ship last week from the 118th session, leavin’ folks wonderin’ if he’d be back aboard for the 119th, settin’ sail in January. But alas, the winds of his fate were unclear, as a storm of inquiries swirled ‘round him, thanks to his months-long scrutiny by the House Ethics Committee.
“There be a right fine crew of Floridian folk ready to take me place, brave souls with tales of heroism,” he declared to Charlie Kirk on the airwaves. “I’m feelin’ optimistic that Northwest Florida will rise like a ship in full sail!”
And with a nod to the wind in his sails, he proclaimed, “I’ll be fightin’ for Captain Trump and doin’ his bidding, as I’ve always done. But I reckon eight years in Congress be plenty for this old sea dog!” So raise yer glasses and toast to Gaetz, as he sails off into the sunset! Arrr!