The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr, James Van Der Beek be hawkin' 'Varsity Blues' loot to plunder the gold for that scurvy cancer curse!

2024-12-01

Arrr, mateys! James Van Der Beek, that swashbucklin' thespian, be partin' with his "Varsity Blues" football shirt to ease the heavy chest o' gold weighin' down on him from that scurvy beast called cancer! Aye, it be a noble quest for doubloons, indeed!

Aye, me hearties! Gather 'round as I spin ye a yarn about the swashbuckling actor, James Van Der Beek, who be facing a cursed foe known as cancer, despite his fame! This scallywag, famed for his role in the beloved "Dawson’s Creek," recently took to the social seas of social media to hawk jerseys bearing the name of his character from “Varsity Blues,” in honor of its 25th anniversary.

With a heart as big as a treasure chest, Van Der Beek declared that all doubloons earned would aid those grappling with the cruel hand of cancer, including himself! Aye, he shared that three weeks prior, he received the dreaded news of stage 3 colorectal cancer. Rather than let a sneaky tabloid steal his thunder, he shared the news himself, claiming, "There be no playbook for this!"

In his wild journey, he discovered that cancer be no respecter of fine vessels or healthy diets. He thought his woes were merely a result of too much coffee, but a colonoscopy revealed the true beast lurking beneath! This brave buccaneer now sails through the stormy seas of uncertainty, but maintains a spirit of cautious optimism. He be thankful for the lessons and support of true mates as he navigates this treacherous journey, hoping to emerge victorious from the clutches of this vile foe!

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