"Arrr! Capitol guards be takin' a House matey for carryin' cannonballs in his satchel! Blimey, what a scallywag!"
2024-12-02
Arrr! The U.S. Capitol constables be takin' a scallywag from the crew of House Democrat Joe Morelle! They found him with a bag o' cannonballs, or so the tale goes! Aye, 'tis a right pickle he be in, lookin' more like a landlubber than a pirate!
Arrr matey! Gather ‘round fer a tale o’ folly from the hallowed halls of the U.S. Capitol! On a fine mornin’, a scallywag from Rep. Joe Morelle’s crew, hailing from the fair seas of New York’s 25th District, was caught red-handed tryin’ to smuggle in some cannon fodder—aye, ammunition, no less—into the Cannon House Office Buildin'!At the break o’ dawn, ‘round 8:45 a.m., our bumblin’ buccaneer tossed his bag through the screening, only to draw the eyes of the sharp-eyed US Capitol Police. They spied not gold doubloons, but four ammunition magazines and eleven rounds of lead! When questioned, the swab claimed he simply “forgot” the goodie bag! Aye, what a forgetful knave!
This sorry sailor, known as Michael Hopkins, now faces the wrath o’ the law for his unlawful possession o’ the ammo, includin’ a charge for a high-capacity contraption. Morelle’s office be workin’ to uncover more details, and they be sworn to keepin’ the seas of Congress safe from such blunders. So raise a tankard to the misadventures of this pirate wannabe, who surely won’t be forgettin’ his treasure next time! Yarrr!