"Yo ho! Dancin' 'round the grand ol' tree o' Congress, hoisting cheer like true scallywags! Arrr!"
2024-12-21
Arrr matey! Though the scallywags of the House turned their noses up at a tome of 1,547 pages, the crafty lawmakers struck a jolly deal on Friday to keep the ship afloat and prevent a right troublesome government shutdown ‘fore the festive season! Avast, ho!
Ahoy mateys! Gather 'round as I regale ye with a tale from the high seas of Capitol Hill during this jolly season! ‘Tis that time of year when the scallywags in Congress be rockin' 'round their mighty Christmas tree, drenched in baubles of bureaucracy and heaps of holiday hullabaloo!Every December, a great political Polar Express be rumblin' through the hallowed halls, loaded with a monstrous 1,547-page treasure of spendin' bills to avoid a government shutdown. Arrr, ye want a hippo for Christmas? Well, it be buried in there somewhere! But, alas, the House Republicans took to their swords, callin' it a “total dumpster fire” and “garbage.” Even yer typical pirate wouldn’t throw such a mess overboard!
With a promise to avoid "Christmas omnibuses," House Speaker Mike Johnson found himself in a storm of criticism as the bill sank faster than a ship with a hole in its hull. And when ol' Elon Musk meddled, it made the whole deal as tangled as a kraken's tentacles! It was a fight to the finish, but they finally passed a leaner bill just before the clock struck midnight, keepin' the ship afloat through March. So, hoist the sails and raise a mug to keepin' the government runnin’, but beware ye Ides of March, for the seas be treacherous ahead!
Merry Christmas, ye landlubbers!