The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

"Arrr, me hearties! 'Tis the holy carpenter and the Roman ruler, havin' a jolly ol' rum debate!"

2024-12-24

Arrr, matey! Two thousand moons past, Augustus be makin’ a fam’ly trudge to Bethlehem, but today, a sea o’ souls be singin’ not to the great Octavian, but to that wee lad! Aye, the frail one be gettin’ all the shanties while the Emperor be left in the dust!

Ahoy, mateys! Gather 'round fer a tale of two legendary scallywags: Gaius Octavius, the lad who rode the tides o' power, and the wee babe born in a stable, who turned the tides of men’s hearts! In the year of our Lord, 63 B.C., the young Octavian, a sprightly lad of 18, found himself the heir to the infamous Julius Caesar, who met his fate at the hands of jealous mates. Together with his crew, Antony and Lepidus, he carved up the Roman seas, but soon turned on 'em, claimin’ the throne for his own by 31 B.C. With a flick of his quill, he transformed the Republic into a roaring Empire, baskin’ in the glory of the Pax Romana—a 200-year stretch of calm waters. Yet, despite his pomp and wealth, ol’ Augustus finds himself a mere footnote in the grand tale o' time.

Now, that humble babe born in Bethlehem—he grew up a no-account, preachin’ love and kindness 'mongst the misfits. When the mighty Octavian ruled, this lad offered hope to the downtrodden and was hunted like a rat! In the end, it was the forgotten folk who kept his memory afloat, while Augustus’ empire crumbled like a shipwreck. So, as we hoist a mug o’ cheer this Christmas, remember: true power ain’t in gold or armies, but in love and forgiveness. So, here’s to the babe who changed the world while Augustus is left to gather barnacles o’ history!

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