"Arrr! The Scallywag's Scroll on how to bungle pickin' a House captain in record time, matey!"
2024-12-26
Arrr, on the morn of the new Congress, the scallywags be castin’ their ye votes for the House captain! Mike Johnson be battlin’ like a sea dog to hold onto his treasure chest o’ power. Blimey, let the parley begin!
Arrr matey! The seas be stirrin’ with a right ruckus in Congress, where a trouble brews, lurking like a kraken beneath the waves! A government shutdown looms, and Captain Trump be shoutin' orders, but the crew’s squabblin' over a hefty 1,500-page treasure map called a spending bill, and they can’t seem to find the X that marks the spot.In the last battle, only 174 yeas for a bill backed by Trump were tallied, with 38 scallywags voting against it! Now, House Speaker Mike Johnson be feelin' the heat, with a motley crew of four to ten Republicans ready to mutiny come January 3. With a mere 219 to 214 Republican majority, the stakes be higher than a ship's mast! If the crew can't settle on a captain, the whole ship be stuck in port, unable to swear in new members or pass any laws.
The cursed Jan. 6 approaches, and if they still be arguin’, the House won’t certify the Electoral College, and there could be a right mess! If the clock strikes noon on January 20 without a captain, old Sen. Chuck Grassley, the next in line, might be sittin' on the throne of power! So, hoist the sails, and let’s hope they find their way before they sail into uncharted waters! Arrr!