"Arrr! A scallywag from Carolina, fresh off the gallows, now begs fer mercy after Biden cut his rope!"
2024-12-30
Arrr, a scallywag who’d made a right mess of two fine bank folk in South Carolina be a-pleadin’ fer freedom, just days after the cap’n Biden spared his neck from the noose! Aye, the seas be truly madder than a one-eyed parrot!
Arrr, gather ‘round me hearty crew! A South Carolina scallywag by the name of Brandon Council, aged 28 summers, be makin’ a most peculiar plea fer “compassionate release” after President Biden spared his neck from the hangman’s noose! This fiend, convicted of the foul deed that took down two innocent bank wenches in 2017, now claims he be sufferin’ from a fate worse than Davy Jones himself—solitary confinement, since Nov. 2019, he be sayin’ it’s like a pirate walkin’ the plank!Now, many a landlubber be raisin’ their voices against the President’s mercy, callin’ it a disgrace to the memory of the slain. Rep. Russell Fry, fiery like a cannonball, be shoutin’ that it be time to restore law and order to the high seas of justice! Meanwhile, the families of the poor victims be seethin’ with rage, sayin’ this decision be a kick in the grog barrel right before Christmas!
As Council swabs the decks of his regrets, the winds of politics blow fierce, with Trump himself vowin’ to bring back the gallows when he returns to the captain’s chair. So, let it be known, mateys, in this wild world of justice, one man's mercy be another man's mutiny! Arrr!