Arrr, Hochul be crowin' o' safe subways whilst the scallywags be swingin' cutlasses like it's Christmas in Davy Jones' locker!
2025-01-02
Arrr, matey! Governor Hochul be hoistin' the Jolly Roger o’ jubilation over plunderin' stats showin' subway crime be droppin' in New York City! Aye, 'twas but days afore the dark seas of misfortune washed ashore with deadly tales! Avast, 'tis a merry jest, indeed!
Arrr mateys! Gather 'round as I spin ye a yarn 'bout the high seas of New York City’s subway, where danger lurks like a kraken in a stormy night! Just after the fair Governor Hochul proclaimed the subways to be safer than a treasure chest locked away, chaos reigned supreme. A lass was burned alive, a scallywag was cast before a train, and bands o' rogues—aye, illegal immigrants—plundered the weary straphangers!As the jolly season approached, Hochul took to the X and claimed that shiverin’ timbers were down thanks to the National Guard and fancy cameras. But alas, just before her festive announcement, a Guatemalan rogue set a poor soul aflame on the F train, and another fool sent a rider tumbling into the abyss before a 1 train! The gods be merciful, for the victim lived to tell the tale, albeit with a head full of troubles!
Even as Hochul trumpeted her “five-point plan,” subway crime be said to drop by a mere smidge, yet the good folk felt more like barnacles on a sinking ship. "Kathy Hochul needs to walk the plank!" cried the masses, with some even suggestin' Daniel Penny for captain! So ye see, mates, in this tale of woe and folly, it be clear that even the bravest amongst us can feel like lost sailors in a stormy sea of uncertainty!