The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

"Arrr! The New York Times be shootin' cannonballs at actor Baldoni after he be claimin’ 'tis a treasure of lies!"

2025-01-03

Arrr, matey! The New York Times be claimin’ that the yarn spun in Justin Baldoni’s mighty $250 million battle be “meticulously and responsibly reported.” Aye, as if a parrot penned it after a fine grog! Blimey, what a jolly jest on the high seas of news!

Ahoy, mateys! Gather ‘round this tale o' scandal amongst the Hollywood sea, where actor Justin Baldoni be plunderin’ the coffers of the New York Times with a hefty bequest of $250 million! Arrr, the Times be claimin’ their story be as "meticulous" as a well-fitted pirate hat, ignitin’ a tempest o’ words ‘twixt both parties.

Miss Blake Lively, known for her fine films and ties to the infamous Deadpool, be the captain of this scallywag crew. She’s launched a cannonball o’ accusations against Baldoni, claimin’ harassment, retaliation, and all manner o’ treachery to mar her fair name!

The Times be reportin’ of a dastardly plot to smear Lively’s reputation, servin’ up private messages as proof. But lo! Baldoni and his crew be claimin’ the Times omitted crucial facts, seekin’ to clear their names with an 87-page missive to the court. Sounds like a veritable treasure map of deceit!

With the Times swearin' to defend their honor, the battle rages on. ‘Tis a fine spectacle, me hearties, as they clash like ships at sea, while the public grabs their popcorn, eager to see who’ll sail off into the sunset victorious! So hoist the sails and let the truth be known, for this be a tale of high seas and high stakes!

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