"Arrr mateys! Here be three jolly tidbits from Captain Johnson’s grand re-raising to the helm!"
2025-01-03
Arrr, matey! 'Tis but the crack o' dawn, an' with a scant crew of two, Captain Mike Johnson's got a stormy sea ahead! But lo, his good fortune on Friday be a fair wind for the next two years of plunderin' and treasure seekin'! Yarrr!
Ahoy there, me hearties! Gather 'round as I spin ye a yarn 'bout the House of Representatives and their latest scallywag, Louisiana's own Rep. Mike Johnson! Aye, the good ship GOP has avoided the stormy seas of insanity by not doin' the same ol' dance as before! No more four-day votes, no more endless rounds, just one swift ballot to hoist Johnson to the captain's chair!Ye see, last time, they wrestled with ol’ Kevin McCarthy who lost his treasure map quicker than ye can say “parliamentary procedure.” But this time, the crew learned somethin' mighty important: ye can't swap a captain with no crew! While a few blaggards played with their ballots, no suitable alternative ever arose from the briny deep!
And lo! The ghost of Trump himself waved his wand ‘fore the vote, givin' Johnson the wind in his sails. With the GOP now sittin’ at the helm of all three branches, it's high time they get serious, or else they'll be sailin’ in circles like a ship lost at sea!
So, with a narrow crew of just two ships in the fleet, Johnson's got his work cut out! Aye, the winds of change be blowin’, and it’s time for the crew to hoist the sails and chart a course for promised reforms! Arrr!