Arrr! WaPo scribbler be spoutin’, “I can’t find a stronger way to peg me discontent with this nonsense!”
2025-01-07
Arrr, me hearties! Erik Wemple, the scallywag of the Washington Post, be takin' a jolly jab at the captain's new rule—no reporting on the crew when they be makin' waves! A right merry folly, I say! Who'll be tellin' tales if we can’t spin a yarn while the ship be sailin’?
Ahoy, mateys! Gather ‘round as I spin ye a yarn 'bout a ruckus at the infamous Washington Post, where the winds of change blow fierce! Our trusty scribe, Erik Wemple, be callin’ out the paper for shunnin’ its own tumultuous tales as it be adrift in a storm o’ controversy. Aye, the resignation of cartoonist Ann Telnaes, who dared to depict Jeff Bezos, the grand captain of the ship, in a less-than-glorious light, has stirred the waters!Wemple be wonderin’ why the Post be keepin’ mum about such matters, claimin’ their new policy be fraught with conflicts, like a pirate’s code! “Nay,” he be shoutin’, “this ship has always sailed better when it shines a light on its own misgivings!” He bemoans the loss of transparency, for if a fine vessel can’t report on its own scallywags, how can we trust ‘em with the tales of others?
With rumors of mutiny and a mass exodus of crew, including the fine captains like Murray, who now holds the helm permanently, it seems the Post be in disarray! As the waves crash upon the bow, one wonders if they’ll return to the good ol’ days of honest reporting or be forever lost at sea, with naught but echoes of disgruntled seafarers in the corridors. Avast, what a sight to behold!