Arrr, the bumblin' FBI in New Orleans be makin’ a right mess! Reform be needed, lest they be walkin’ the plank!
2025-01-08
Arrr, as a seasoned sea-dog of the FBI crew, it be a right shame to confess that New Orleans be a grimy barnacle on our ship, lettin' public trust plummet to below 40%. Blimey, me hearties, we be needin' a treasure map to find that trust again!
Ahoy, me hearties! Gather 'round as I spin ye a yarn of woe from the new year of 2025, when a right calamity struck Bourbon Street—an attack that left the folks in a tizzy! In the blink of an eye, a lass from the counterterrorism crew declared it wasn’t an act of terrorism, despite a jolly ol' ISIS flag flyin’ high on the miscreant's wagon! Aye, the FBI’s second-in-command, decked out like a landlubber, floundered on live sea ‘n air, spewin’ forth nonsense and makin’ the bureau look as lost as a ship without a compass. With a gaffe that could sink ships, she blundered through press meets, spoutin’ tales of conspirators and explosives that had the Sugar Bowl postponed faster than a pirate could say “treasure!” Aye, the FBI’s reputation sank lower than Davy Jones’ locker, leavin’ many a soul wonderin' if the crew was more about politics than catchin’ the scallywags. Now, the agency be in dire need of a captain’s overhaul to steer it back toward the righteous seas of merit and bravery! With the swabs focused on bein’ woke over wise, the winds of change be needin’ to blow through the FBI, or else they might find themselves walkin' the plank! Arrr!