"Arrr, David Marcus be sayin' Biden's crusade against smokes be fit fer Davy Jones' ash heap, matey!"
2025-01-09
Arrr, me hearties! Columnist David Marcus, a puffin' scallywag, be sayin' that the Bidens be tryin’ to shiver yer timbers with a scheme to lower nicotine in smokes! He claims 'tis naught but a sneaky ban, and a foolish one at that! Yarrr!
Avast ye landlubbers! In the final throes of his not-so-mighty reign, President Biden’s crew at the FDA be concoctin’ a daft scheme to banish cigarettes from the high seas of America! Aye, they be aim’n to reduce nicotine to naught but a whisper, renderin’ our beloved smokes as useful as a ship without a sail!Now, I be no fool; I know ciggies ain’t the fairest maid in the tavern, but who be the scallywags in Washington to dictate what we puff? With over 25 million smokers, it be none of their business! Hark! If they think they can stop the good folk from enjoyin' their after-dinner smoke, they best brace for a storm of black market buccaneers, eager to fill their coffers with smuggled tobacco.
Mark me words! This madness be a treasure map straight to the hands of organized crime. Just like in the days of yore when rum was outlawed, we’ll see the streets flooded with contraband smokes, makin' the world a ruckus!
Yet, while they puff up marijuana dispensaries like balloons at a fest, they scorn our rightful tobacco! So fear not, ye smoky souls! As long as there be breath in our lungs, we’ll share tales and smokes upon the frozen streets, while the bureaucrats be left shiverin' in their boots!