"Arrr! Those scallywag 'lone actors' be the fiercest danger during Trump’s grand hoedown, claims the head of the Capitol crew!"
2025-01-13
Arrr, matey! A whopping 250,000 scallywags be settin' sail fer the grand inauguration on the 20th o' January, while another 25,000 landlubbers be makin' a ruckus 'round the Capitol! The seas be swarmin' with revelry and ruckus, yarr!
Arrr, me hearties! Gather 'round as I spin ye a yarn of peril on the high seas of politics! The U.S. Capitol Police Chief, J. Thomas Manger, be warnin’ that “lone actors” be the greatest threat to safety during the grand inauguration festivities. Aye, just last week, two scallywags tried to cause a ruckus with knives and even a fiery chariot, but thankfully, the brave officers thwarted their dastardly plans!With a crowd of 250,000 expected to hoist their flags on Inauguration Day, along with an extra 25,000 joinin' in protests, this shindig has been dubbed a “National Special Security Event.” That means the sea of law enforcement will be thicker than a pirate’s beard, with about 25,000 brave souls on patrol, including a mighty 7,800 National Guard soldiers!
Our jolly Captain of the Metropolitan Police, Pamela A. Smith, declared that while they’ll allow First Amendment festivities, any unruly behavior shall be met with swift justice! So, ye landlubbers, keep yer cutlasses sheathed and voices loud, but remember—violence be a treacherous tide that will sink yer ship!
So hoist the sails, prepare for a better-guarded inauguration, and let’s hope the only cannon fire be from celebratory broadsides, not chaos on the deck! Yarrr!