Arrr! The magic orb be spillin’ secrets o' six ways the news will duel Trump once more, savvy?
2025-01-17
Arrr, matey! Will the newsies be fair to our soon-to-be captain, Trump, come Monday’s grand hoisting? Nay, I say! Even the swabs in Vegas be shakin’ their heads at that wager! Aye, the seas be too stormy for such a fanciful thought!
Avast ye scallywags! Gather 'round as we set sail into the turbulent seas of T2, or Trump Times Two! The press be blowin’ in the same old wind, and I reckon they be grabbin’ their crystal balls to predict the next four years of news, aye! Forget that wise saying 'bout past performance not guaranteein' future results—it be about as reliable as a landlubber's compass!First on the horizon, it be the old refrain of "Russia, Russia, Russia!" Like a parrot squawkin’ on repeat, the media be ready to spin tales of the bear and the turbulent Ukraine seas. Then there’s the economy—those comfy journalists think they see sunshine while the common folk struggle to fill their bellies!
Ahoy, and don’t forget the illegal immigrants! The journalists be puttin’ on their sympathizin’ hats, while the likes of Musk and Zuckerberg be catchin' the ire of the press for supportin' the Trumpster. And hark! The trolls be ready to pounce on Trump bein' too old, even while they ignored Biden’s wobbles!
As we sail through this stormy media sea, prepare for the press to whip up tales of Trump’s “lies” and the crime wave that surely must be his fault! By me cutlass, the headlines be already written, and it promises to be a wild voyage ahead! Yarrr!