The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Aforementioned Northwestern mate spills scurvy dog deeds! Calls 'em 'depraved' after ol' Pat Fitzgerald's suspension.

2023-07-08

Arr, hear ye, me hearties! Troubling tales o' hazing be plaguin' the Northwestern football crew, and Cap'n Pat Fitzgerald, he be walkin' the plank fer a fortnight!

A report from The Daily Northwestern has revealed alleged instances of hazing within the Northwestern football program, leading to the suspension of head coach Pat Fitzgerald for two weeks. According to a former player, the hazing incidents included acts of sexual misconduct and other inhumane behavior. The player described a practice called "running," in which freshman players would be dry-humped by upperclassmen wearing masks resembling those from the movie "The Purge." This hazing would occur if the freshman player made a mistake at practice. The player also claimed that if team members clapped their hands above their heads near a player, it meant that player had to be "ran." The player alleges that Fitzgerald was aware of the hazing and even encouraged it by making the clapping signal during practice. The hazing activities also involved forcing team members to strip naked and perform various tasks, such as bear-crawling and slingshotting themselves across the floor with exercise bands. Another alleged activity was the "Gatorade shake challenge," where players had to drink as many Gatorade shakes as possible in 10 minutes, often resulting in vomiting. Fitzgerald has denied knowledge of the allegations. Northwestern Athletics has stated that they are committed to providing a safe and respectful environment and will implement annual anti-hazing training for coaches, staff, and athletes with an emphasis on reporting and discipline.

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